List

Alright, this is it. The list.

In it, I find the things that I fear most, desire most, want most and need most. All those things I feel I need to accomplish in this lifetime. Please don't take this as a list that is all inclusive. I acknowledge that this list will change, shorten or even grow during my life time. The evolution of this list is proof of my existence and my will to live.

Most importantly, it is proof to myself that I'm alive...

1.To be self-sufficient and independant - I feel like life can throw lemons at any time. I would to be able to know that if I happen to end up being a cat lady without friends or family, that I would be okay. On my own. By myself.

2. To continue learning - I never want to feel stagnant and mentally "dead". Even if my life becomes so routine that my days feel like duplicates of an old boring photograph , I want to discover other things that feed my mind and challenge my skills and capabilities.

3. To be in the company of those I admire - Now this can sound a bit harsh but I won't revoke it. I don't like being around people whom I do not admire. I believe that friendships are an amazing way to learn and grow. I like to look at my friends and say, "yes, you are truly unique and I know exactly what it is about you that I would like to see in myself". I want to surround myself with people that I can learn from and always be in constant company with those who are more successful, stronger and more creative than I am.


4. To never forget where I came from - As far as family drama goes, mine could contest the best and take the prize. Although I can't say that I want to necessarily be exactly like my family, I don't ever want to forget where I came from. I came from humble beginnings and I grew up to understand and appreciate the simple things in life since that sometimes was all that we had. I learned to be so content with this that hardly anyone knew that we were struggling financially and emotionally and so, because of this, I feel prepared to take on the world. I want to hone what I love about my family and improve on their weaknesses. Overall, I consider myself a better person for it.


5. A place to call my own - I can't say that growing up in two households was easy. Although my parents did everything possible to make my weekly transitions from one house to the next pleasant, I always felt disorganized, anxious and uprooted. As a result, I'm always seeking consistency even though I know that settling into a routine makes me one boring gal. I want to have the walls of my house painted with me and the voices of those I love echoed through its hallways. I feel well on my way towards this and so, this is one goal I'm not worried about achieving.

6. Seeing things for what they are and not what I've been told they should be - Little is attractive to me than the ability to relate to people genuinely. I want to challenge my preconceptions (I'm not going to lie, I have some...) and step out of my comfort zone. When I look around me, I want to see my shelves come alive with memories of old friends, travels, and tests of faith and inner - strength. I want to come to my own, well contested, conclusions. World, here I come.

Thanks for hearing me out - there's a lot more where this comes from but these are the first things that come to mind. I'm neglecting a lot here, and I'm well aware of it. I think I'm still trying to figure out how to word the hardest, most intimate thoughts. Ha! We'll see how it goes the next time Inspiration takes hold. Stay tuned for more about me =)

- interlude -

p.s = get used to seeing "interludes" - I would consider it a tragedy if I ever actually finished this list. To consider the thought of never dreaming and striving for something would be to consider me dead. Yikes.

(Photo credits:Some.day)